


Hold On

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 08:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Anakin cries out to his former padawan and even though she's on another planet, she feels him. She races back to Coruscant, unable to shake the magnetism and attempts to distract him from the growing darkness. Together they chase their needs and have to face a shaky future.This actually started as a dream that I hope I somehow managed to convey because it was so cinematic in my head lol





	Hold On

            _Ahsoka!_

            She froze in the middle of the battlefield. Chaos had erupted around them, there was death and noise and pain. Yet her name had reverberated through her head so loudly, it had drowned everything else out. She stared blankly at the war, as white armor with orange paint pushed forward, and jet packs and people in completely different armor, flew in from above to provide cover for them on the ground. Everyone was focused on the battle at hand. As they should be, Maul was not to be underestimated. 

            But now that she’d heard her name, now that she’d felt his pain... her thoughts were hours away. 

            A hand closed on her shoulder and she started in surprise. “General?” Came Rex’s familiar voice. She was grateful he was here, since she was out of practice leading troops. His intrusion into her sudden dissociation made her shake her thoughts and try to put her mind back on stopping Maul. That was the goal.

            He wasn’t part of the main war, but the devastation around them was enough evidence he needed to be stopped. The Mandalorians, who had lived nearly a whole generation in relative peace and neutrality under Duchess Satine, was now one of the most unfortunate casualties by the opportunistic ex-Sith that seemed to have an obsession with Master Kenobi. Why  _he_  wasn’t here stopping him... well that was another story. He was supposed to be here, along with her own master. Well, old master. She should probably stop calling him that, since she hadn’t been a Jedi for over a year.

            The thought of Anakin again, undid her attempt to shake the feeling and move on. Something was wrong, and she wasn’t really in a position to drop everything and run to him. But she wanted to, boy did she want to. 

            The Jedi taught purpose above feelings; duty to the people before duty to oneself or one person. Which was a great lesson in selflessness;  _under normal circumstances_... Despite no longer calling herself a Jedi, despite willingly leaving the order, their beliefs and their code behind, she still followed those rules. Well, mostly. Everything was gray when it came to Anakin. There was no right way to handle the attachment she’d developed for him. 

            Rex pulled her to the side, out of the line of fire and behind some cover. “What’s wrong?” 

            His face swam into view again. “I have to go,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, Rex.”

            “General Skywalker?” It was a question, but he’d nodded knowingly. Only he would be perceptive enough to know the one thing that would distract her enough to fail to do her duty. 

            She threw her arms around his shoulders. “Please be careful,” she breathed. “And don’t underestimate him!”

            “Don’t you worry, Lil’un, we’ve got it covered.” He fell back into calling her his old nickname; which was endearing, but weird to hear after so long. “You take care of the General.”

            She nodded, wondering exactly what he meant by that, as she watched him disappear around the cover and jump back into the fray. She didn’t want to abandon them. Even with Bo Katan and the former members of Death Watch helping them, she wasn’t convinced they’d be enough to bring down someone as evil and unpredictable as Maul. Even she wasn’t completely sure she could do it as a lone Jedi, or lone _former_ Jedi. If Anakin and Obi Wan were here, they wouldn’t fail, but they weren’t here. They were rescuing the Chancellor last she heard.

            Looking for a break in the fire fight, she was on her feet racing back to the shuttle. “Good luck, Captain,” she breathed as she started it up and maneuvered it up to the waiting cruiser above. 

            After arguing with the admiral for a few minutes over the comm, she’d hopped into her old fighter and slid into a hyperspace ring, launching herself back towards Coruscant. 

            She leaned back in the seat, rubbing her face. She didn’t feel good about leaving them, or her mission, but Anakin had cried out to her. Not just cried out in general, to _her_ , specifically. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t ignore that. She’d hurt him badly by leaving, but if he needed her, she’d be there. 

            It hadn’t felt like the many times she’d drowned in his pain, or the tidal waves of fear, that had a tendency to knock her off her feet. There was just a need there, a deep longing. Something he’d never admit was there but was nonetheless. Even in his cry, he would deny it existed. She should be numb to it now. She should be able to let go. She should be able to use distance as an excuse and her leave of absence from the order as good enough reasons to stay away.

            But that was the problem with Anakin, what one _should_ do, was often not what you  _did_  do, and she’d been too weak to resist him from day one. Even after a year away, she still wondered how she’d left him that day. She still had no idea how she’d made her feet work, how she’d escaped the magnetic pull that was him. She almost smacked herself. She hadn’t, clearly. Maybe she’d just been holding it at bay, but she’d never actually gotten away. 

            If her heart could be compared to a magnet, he was the only one that could snap it back. She’d known it in the courtyard when he’d pleaded for her to stay, she’d known it before the trial that had crashed her whole world, hell, she’d known it on their first mission together, even though he’d tried to push her away. 

            “Funny how the tides turned,” she muttered under her breath. “You couldn’t stand having me around, and now you’re begging me to come back.” She sighed, staring at the nav system in front of her. “Joke’s on you, Skyguy. I’m not the only one with a magnetic heart. Mine would be useless, if yours wasn’t too.”

            Despite trying to work up her normal sass, fear tickled her senses and slowly shifted its weight, suffocating her by the time she made it to Coruscant a few hours later. She hoped she wasn’t too late. She’d left almost immediately after he’d called out to her, but now all she felt was darkness. As though he’d become a hollow void. 

            She dropped the hyperspace ring in orbit and shot towards the Jedi temple. He was there, she could feel it, but he felt off. She wished she could say she knew better, but Anakin had always walked a line. And perhaps, she wasn’t helping by indulging his need for attachments, but abandoning him now was out of the question. 

            She raced up the temple steps, past the guardians that barely nodded at her. She weaved her way through the maze of hallways and up dozens of flights of stairs. She was practically out of breath by the time she made it to the council chambers. She paused with her hand on the door. It was well after sunset, the corridor was dimly lit, and the darkness that blasted her through the heavy metal, startled her. There was desperation in his energy and fear; so much fear. 

            She took a steadying breath and pushed open the doors. 

            “Anakin!” She rushed to him and took his face in her hands. “Whatever you’re about to do, it’s not the answer.”

            A tear escaped his eye and snaked its way down his cheek. “It’s the only way,” he breathed. 

            “No.” She shook her head. “We’ll find another way. We’ll get through this, but that won’t solve anything”

            He freed himself from her arms and dropped back down into one of the seats. 

            He turned deaf to her words, not even her jarring snippiness broke through the haze that had fallen around him. He was slipping away beneath her fingers, she had to figure out how to break through. If words weren’t enough, then there was only one thing left. But if he rejected her now, it would burn in her soul forever. 

            She put her fingers on his face, brushing them softly along the rolling tears. “Anakin,” she breathed. “Look at me.” He blinked and glanced up at her face. “Remember me?” It was a dumb question, of course he remembered her. But that wasn’t the point. “Remember what we had? Remember what we shared?” She ran her hands down his neck to his shoulders, slipping her fingers under the fabric of his tunic. He was watching her with a dazed expression on his face, but she could feel his heat rising. 

            She didn’t want to use him like this, but she had to distract him, and if this was the only way, so be it. 

            She pushed him back in his seat, crawling over him to straddle his thighs. She bent down and kissed him gently on the forehead then on the tip of his nose and then met his lips. He parted expectantly, letting her in again. The cloud around him started dispersing as she broke through the darkness at last. 

            She smiled into his skin, nibbling gently on his bottom lip, letting her tongue communicate what words could not. Now was hardly the time or place for any of this, but the longer she kept him distracted, the longer it delayed the inevitable. 

            She could feel the whole planet cry out around them. She knew darkness was swelling from the corners. She knew monsters were awakening even if she didn’t know their names. But right here, right now, for precious moments, he was hers and hers alone. 

            She pulled apart her tunic and watched him lick his lips. She arched up to present them to his mouth. He eagerly obliged and she moaned softly, allowing the feelings she’d tried to escape flood back into her brain and ignite the fires she’d long since tried to put out. 

            Anakin was her one. Her only. Even though her devotion to him was one-sided. There was no one she loved more, no one she loved the same way or as much. The only one that had remotely tempted her away from him was Lux and that had fizzled out long before it had become anything at all. Nyx had been decent company, he’d pursued her like anybody should want, but his timing had been awful; she’d been too broken up from leaving Anakin to consider anyone else. Rex was a good friend, a mentor, almost fatherly, like Obi Wan had been, but that was where the feelings for him had stopped. Only Anakin had ever tipped her over the edge. Only he had awakened things in her she’d never known. Only he was what her heart craved, and only he could satisfy it. 

            If only he wanted her the same way. Beyond just physical intimacy, beyond friends with benefits. If only he wanted  _only_  her. But he didn’t. He wanted everything. He was the most selfish selfless person you would ever meet. He gives so much of himself to everyone, to all. At the cost, however, of not being able to let any of them go. How are you supposed to let go though, when they all carry part of you?

            She felt him pull away and she caught his head with her hands and leaned down to kiss him again. She undid his belt and pulled apart his robes. 

            “Ahsoka,” he whispered, his fingers tightening on her waist. 

            “I need you right now, Anakin. I need you to stay with me,” she breathed against his neck as she worked her way down to his bare chest. He hesitated, but eventually his need won, and he let go of whatever was holding him back. If she were honest, it surprised her that he gave in, even though she was grateful he had. He had every reason in the world to scream and shout at her. Or hurt her the same way she’d hurt him. She had no right to ask him to stay, when she’d walked away from him before. But this, whatever was billowing from the ground was bigger than all of them. If the world was going to fall apart, she wanted to be with him. Wanted to be closer than they were, melting into each other. If everything was about to die, it was her dying wish.

            In his arms, in one last passionate embrace, would be so much better than watching him fade away in front of her. Even if they  _should_  fight, surrendering now was her only choice. Leaving him again,  _impossible_. He’d called out to her, and she’d obediently come. Wanted or not, here she would stay. She tried not to think about Rex’s words. Or that he was in danger and she’d left him behind. She tried not to think about the encroaching darkness, or the way it felt like everything else was being stripped away from them. 

            She threw her focus on him, and him alone. She worked her fingers along the grooves of his skin, tracing his muscles and savoring every kiss and elicited groan. 

            He let her lead for awhile, throwing his head back and relaxing into her touches, enjoying all of them. She was grateful that their time apart hadn’t destroyed their chemistry or ruined their ability to meet each other’s needs. It was only a matter of time before her turn was up, so she was trying to make it last as long as possible. 

            She loved every inch of him, every nook and cranny, every scar, every burn, every hair. She loved his smell and the way he felt against her lips. She loved every sound he made as they fell into each other, a soundtrack so perfect and beautiful and unique it could belong only to them. More than all of it though, she loved the way it felt in the force. The way they could seem to explode into a million pieces and construct something completely new and different from the parts; intertwined as though they’d each taken half of the other. He lived in every part of her; in her brain, in her heart, in her soul, even between every atom and molecule. Did it feel the same way to him? Even if she wasn’t the only thing he wanted, did he experience her the same way?

            It was a question she was terrified to ask. One that was better to wonder about than learn that he didn’t. All she could do was give him her all every time, and hope it was enough. 

            She slid off his knees onto the floor and he lifted his butt enough for her to pull down his pants. She sat back on her heels and worked off his boots, one at a time. She knew she was teasing him and probably taking far too long, but she wanted every second to last as long as possible. Normally though, the need and desperation between them made it a relatively quick affair, hot, but quick. Usually they were already warmed up, usually they were already on the edge and needing to get it out of their systems. And it wasn’t that tonight it was different, rather she was purposely prolonging it. If he had any idea why she was teasing him so much, or why she slowed her movements, he didn’t seem bothered by it. 

            His focus was on her now. Which was what she’d wanted from the moment she’d decided to use this to distract him. That was her favorite part of the experience, why she allowed herself to have a physical intimacy with him even when it was forbidden. It was her one selfish craving. When they were in the throes of passion, it was the only time he was focused on her and her alone. It was the only time she became all that he wanted. Even if the moment it was done, he was gone again, for precious moments, she’d been  _everything_  to him. And she lived for that feeling. And she might die for it, if things were coming crashing down tonight. 

            She pulled his pants the rest of the way off and kissed up his legs. He groaned and fell back in the chair when she put him in her mouth. She rolled her tongue, moving her hands and fingers in different movements, enjoying which ones were rewarded with different sounds. Whatever was happening outside was forgotten in his brain right now. She looked up his body, loving the look of pleasure and need in his face, the way his sweaty hair had started plastering itself to his forehead and cheeks. She loved the sheen on his skin in the low light and the way he was lost in a place she’d taken him. 

            He reached out his hands and caught her montrals, groaning as she sped up her rhythm. The flames were burning hot now, in a few seconds it would be his turn. And just like that, she let go of him and he was on his feet, pulling her up. 

            He pushed her tunic off her shoulders and undid her belt. He worked his fingers along her shoulders. The metal ones cold against her hot skin but igniting just as much excitement if not more. She brought her arms around his neck and he kissed them on his way by as he blindly tried to rid her of the rest of her clothes. She lifted herself obediently, so he could shake them, loving his need and melting under his touches. Every kiss started a new bonfire. Every touch rocked her with electricity as he expertly and quickly found every spot that sent her mad. 

            He laid her back against the tiled floor, lifting her legs so he could finish taking off her boots and leggings. He kissed the bottoms of her feet and worked his way up her legs. She squirmed in pleasure as the heat washed over her in waves. As much fun as she had leading and teasing him, she loved the way he worshipped every inch of her body. The way he could make every insecurity she’d ever had fade away. How he found beauty and fulfillment in her very skin. 

            She trembled as he made it up her thighs, zeroing in on the best spot. But he teased her as hard as she’d teased him, taking his time to lavish his attention on everything. His hands were on her stomach, sliding up them to fondle her breasts. She bit her lip, moaning repeatedly as he worked her into a frenzy. 

            All sense of time and space faded. The room fell away, the danger forgotten. Just like she’d put his focus only on her, it was his turn to pull her focus only to him. Nothing else mattered to her. Nothing but him. Whatever was coming would come, but she’d already surrendered. 

            He stuck his tongue in and she arched up, squirming and trembling as he rocked her body with excitement and fire. It was his turn to tease and experiment and watch her while he drove her crazy. She moaned and sighed, shuddering and begging for more. 

            “Ahhh,” she cried, grabbing for his hair and twisting it in her fingers. If it hurt him, he hid it well. “Anakin!” she panted.

            He looked up at her face, a sexy smile as he licked his lips. She let her head fall back breathing heavy. He walked his way up her body, kissing her along the way. Pausing to tease her already sensitive skin around her nipples. Then he met her lips and she melted into them. She pulled her body up to him, wanting to feel his heat against her skin. He dropped to his elbows, covering her as he kissed her jaw and pushed her lekku out of the way, so he could kiss her neck and then her shoulders. 

            She dug into his skin, harder than she meant to. She clawed his back as he continued to tease her. Then finally, and perhaps mercifully, she parted, and he slid in. She inhaled as he filled her. She wrapped her legs around his hips as he moved his body, slowly at first, then faster. 

            She greeted every wave with excitement and eagerness. She met it with moans and cries of pleasure. She clung to him as he carried them both to the edge, like only he could do. His face was screwed up in concentration and she admired every line as she watched him chase his needs in her. 

            He pulled out and rolled onto his back and she obediently climbed him, straddling him and lowering herself down. She intertwined her fingers with his as she rode him, admiring his perfect face as he watched her with eyes full of desire and longing and hunger. She’d give practically anything to have him look at her like that all the time. She loved the way he’d lick his lips, the way his eyes would sparkle, the way they carried each other through storms of pain but also need. 

            She fell down onto his chest continuing to move her body up and down against his skin. And just as he came to the brink, she was hit with something else entirely. 

            A curtain of darkness fell around them. The world was fading away. Whatever she’d been distracting him from was here. The moment of truth. In the middle of pleasure, all she could feel was death. 

            She cried out in a panic, but he caught her, wrapping his arms around her back and holding her tight against his chest. She wasn’t sure if he’d released, or even if he’d felt it too. All she knew was he held her, together, they laid there as though waiting for the end to come, but still connected. He lifted one arm and waved it and the next thing she knew; his robe fell down on top of them. 

            She trembled against his chest as they laid there, huddled under the robe. She tried to focus on him, but the violence she could feel around them was distracting her. He kissed her on the forehead, hanging onto her for dear life. As they both waited for that inevitable end to come. At first, she was afraid, but then he’d shift or move his fingers to remind her he was there. She tipped her head back slightly, watching his face. He could feel it too, she knew that. But like her, he’d surrendered. Neither of them got to their feet. Neither of them tried to fight it. Neither of them moved. 

            The door burst open and they both froze, holding their breaths. Familiar voices spoke around them and her eyes widened. The clones talked like they weren’t there. They didn’t sound like themselves, but she’d recognize them. If she was thinking clearly, she could probably even name them. But they seemed to not notice them or decide that whatever was under the lumpy robe in the middle of the room was worth investigating. And before long, they disappeared, and they were alone in the council chambers again. 

            “Anakin?” she whispered, the reality of the situation finally crashing into her. He brought his finger to his lips and threw off the robe. She crawled off him and he pulled on just his pants and his tunic and threw the robe around him again. She pulled on her leggings and her dress, but other than her lightsabers, grabbed nothing else. 

            He reached out and took her hand and led the way to the doors. She felt him take a deep breath. They walked the halls in silence, feeling every death around them, trying not to look at the bodies. She clung to him and his grip tightened on her. It was too much to bear. Would they have been able to stop this if they’d fought instead of hidden? Or would they both be lying there too? She didn’t know the answer, and she didn’t want to know. 

            From the looks of it, the temple had been completely cleared. An army of clones had devastated it, leaving no survivors, except for them. How could this have happened? _Why_ did it happen? 

            He turned towards the hanger, but she pulled him back. She could smell the smoke from here. He looked at her confused but followed her when she led the way towards where she’d left her fighter. She was surprised and grateful to see it still sitting there on the temple steps, around the corner from the main entrance. He climbed in and settled himself, and then she followed, having to sit on his lap, and shift so he could maneuver the controls. These fighters weren’t big enough for two people, but thankfully she was still small, so she could curl into his lap and mostly be out of his way. Flying was natural enough to him, that he didn’t need to see the controls to know what to do. 

            They took off, but to her surprise, they didn’t go to anywhere else on Coruscant. He aimed straight to leave the atmosphere, zeroed in on where she’d left the hyperspace ring and the moment they were latched on, he pulled the lever, launching them away from there.

            He was strangely quiet. He explained nothing about where they were going or what they were doing. In fact, as his silence dragged on, she was almost certain he knew more about what had happened than she did. And despite the burning questions in her brain, she decided she wasn’t ready to think about it. Right now, they were alive, right now, they were together, right now...  they had each other. Tomorrow, all of that could change. 

            She leaned back, shifting so she could nuzzle into his neck and she started crying. She’d never been so afraid. She didn’t know what to think or feel or even how to process what they’d seen. She just held onto him and hoped for the best. He didn’t try to comfort her or tell her to stop crying. He felt numb too, but at least he was still holding her. 

            When he’d cried out to her, had he known this was coming? Had he offered her a chance to survive it? Had anyone else survived it? And why had they just left instead of get involved? Why had he left everything behind, including Padmé? 

            She exhausted herself from the questions and from crying and eventually she felt her lids droop and she welcomed the sleep that came calling. 


End file.
